guest post | ashley from stork & the beanstalk

by - Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Hey there, I'm Ashley and I write over on The Stork & The Beanstalk. I contacted Kate some time ago about doing a guest post over on my blog as I'm out recovering from some pretty major back surgery. Kate was kind enough to invite me to guest post here as well, so thank you, Kate, for having me on your lovely corner of the worldwide web.

Kate wrote a post a while back, prior to the birth of her beautiful Alba, about her fear of loving a second child. It was something that I related to so deeply to on so many levels as I had experienced the same fears. I am the mother of two boys; Hooper will be three in November and Van turned one in July.

Ready for a dose of honesty? It took me longer to love Van than it did Hooper. I was a bit surprised by it because everything I read, prior to giving birth, talked about how your love multiplies rather than divides and blah blah blah. It wasn’t like that for me; not right away, at least.

When I was handed Hooper, on the operating room table, I loved him instantly. I immediately felt protective. And despite his swollen face and cone shaped head, I thought he was the most beautiful thing alive.

None of this is to say that my love for Van wasn’t instant as well. It was. I felt protective of him too. But there was a difference.

I learned, through loving Hooper, that my capacity for love on the day he was born piddled in comparison to the love I had for him just a few months later. It’s like the song says, I love him more today than yesterday but not as much as tomorrow.

So when Van was born, I loved him, but I knew that love would only grow bigger; I knew the love I had that day was naive to the love it would grow to be.

And I was right. Because the love I have for this little guy today blows any emotion that I referred to as love before out of the water. Right around the third to fourth month of life, he stole my heart. And then, at six months, he owned me. And now, at a year, I can say my they were right all along; my love did multiply.
It multiplied so much so that I think I need to see a dentist because I'm constantly clinching my teeth together because my heart can barely stand it. 

What was your experience like with loving a second? Did it happen instantly or did it take some time for you as well?

-    -    -

please join me in thanking ashley for posting here!
she has been recuperating from major surgery and we wish her the best.
lots of prayers and good vibes sent your way, lovely 

You May Also Like


  1. I don't have a second, yet....but I just wanted to thank you for being honest about the transition from one to two. I have heard this same sentiment from a few moms in my inner circle, but nobody really talks about it openly. Thanks for sharing!

  2. It's funny, I just had this conversation with my mother-in-law who takes care of my daughters twice a week. It took some time for her to fall in love with our second daughter. It was the opposite for me. It two a few months for me to feel that binding connection with my first, but it was instant with my second.

  3. I totally get this, and appreciate your honesty! I have three boys (2, 4, 6 years old) and I kept trying to wrap my mind around the different feelings I had for each. I came to the conclusion that the first baby, no matter what, will always be the most monumental because that one made you a mama. So I think I was falling in love not only with Milo, but also with motherhood and the amazement of it all. He represents a shift in my whole being. So yes, I love all my boys tremendously, but there is something crazy and raw about the first!