sofia on her birth day
I've been reading a lot of birth stories lately, and for anyone that has had the chance to read ours, knows that it was anything but what Erick and I had planned for. As great as it was, there were still some things that had initially bugged me. But, as most new moms can tell you, sometimes it takes a while for feelings like these to surface. I know that after I gave birth to Sofia, I found that I had ran on this "natural baby high" for a few months; it was only after re-reading other friends' stories, that had sparked these newly surfacing feelings of things I wish I had done differently.
As I think ahead, I know that I want more children in the future. The thought honestly scares me a bit because for the past hour I've been sitting here slowly realizing that I still need to make peace with birth before I ever even think about having another baby. I need to make peace with the fact that it's not the end of the world if you have to get an epidural. A lot of what happened during Sofia's birth just totally through me for a loop and honestly, it was pretty petrifying at first. I wasn't expecting to give birth that day. I wasn't expecting to be induced. Well, the great thing about it is that I know now. I really have to learn to make peace with birth and the glorious process that it is. It will definitely take some time, but I know I can find comfort in the fact I will be ready and willing to expect... the unexpected.
Don't clutch so desperately onto some "plan" of action. Breathe a little deeper. Trust those around you. Pray a little more often, and honestly let it all go.