Don't you ever wish you could go back in time and erase all the bad decisions you made, or people you've met that you'd be better off without? I think about that sometimes. And it figures that, as watching Hot Tub Time Machine yesterday all I can think about are past life decisions, ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends and getting all emotional. It has to be the hormones. I'm not even sure why women in general let stupid stuff affect them. I even wonder when, like, my mom stopped thinking about all my dad's exes. Cuz they're married and happy and don't think about stupid stuff anymore. Does it take years? Centuries? Gosh! It's exhausting consuming time worrying about ridiculous images in your head and memories that don't matter anymore.
This is just a little peek into my un-perfect head, which is sometimes filled with insecurities. And I guess I'm okay with that, because at least that makes me normal, right? It's kind of crazy how even looking back, if I didn't make the decisions I made over a year ago, I wouldn't even be IN the position I'm in right now! I'd probably be stuck in a verbally abusive relationship with a dude that (still) drinks way too much and calls everyone a "faggot" and would never have even known how much different, better, and precious life could really be. All based on a few choices I made to positively change my life.
But I also think that the world, God, and fate work in mysterious ways. I honestly believe that the universe would have somehow led me to Apple no-matter-what, and that Erick was my husband before I even met him. When we finally did meet, it's like all the pieces to this puzzle just aligned. It just works. Effortlessly. And except at the beginning when I was courting his hesitant butt-- I really don't have to try. I mean, I really like to impress my guy, but common... I still have morning breath, walk around makeupless and leave all my messy piles around the house until we get too sick of looking at them and clean. And you know what? I know he loves every single part of this. I know I do. I mean seriously, this guy even pretended for a minute to like that beef stew I tried to make in the new crock-pot. I COULD HAVE KILLED A SMALL ANIMAL WITH THAT STEW.
I know everything that's happening right now, in this moment, creating our family, is a dream I couldn't ever have expected or wanted as badly as I do. And I thank the big guy upstairs for leading me to this very place in time. The right now. The present.